Thankful

Today our American friends and family are celebrating Thanksgiving. Yesterday was the birthday of my beautiful and wise friend, Mariette. The same Mariette who is going to be my Best Maid when Brian and I jump the broom in September. (Okay we're actually not going to jump the broom - but we will swap our titanium rings from our right hand to our left hand...)

In any event, I just wanted to say how thankful I am to have a Mariette in my life! Since we first met in a sound studio all those years ago, we've gone through so much. Mariette taught me how to camp, and how to arrange food on a platter so that it doesn't look like it was simply thrown there! She taught me how move beyond fear around financial issues, and that fruit is really great in salsa! Together we have shared tales of heartbreak and tales of love. We've lost weight and gained weight and tried to work through all the body image crap that's been served up to all of us on a silver platter. We've cried at trashy movies, and great books and even the odd commercial. We've gossiped and solved world problems and so much more.

And now as Mister Man and I move towards getting hitched, my beautiful friend Mariette is standing right there beside me - one helping hand extended and another hand ready to give me a push when I feel overwhelmed.

I am so thankful for having a Mariette in my life. Happy birthday my friend, happy birthday....

A Year and Counting

Wow. Today is September 4, 2009. On September 4, 2010, Mister Man and I are going to step up to the plate and bat one out of the park. We are taking the plunge. Getting hitched. Goin' for the whole enchilada. Saying I do. Cutting the cake (and hopefully not the mustard). Making a public proclamation and a commitment to each other in front of our beloved friends and family.

Exactly ONE YEAR from today.

(Secretly, I'm hopeful that Mister Man will take a shining to the camera prior to that day one year from now!)

Here's the deal. Mister Man imposed a media black out on all mention of the big event UNTIL THE LABOUR DAY WEEKEND. So here we are. And here's what I'm thinking. (For any of you who are new to this corner of the blogosphere, here's the bg on how we got here.)

I am SOOO grateful for the people in my life who are on board for this journey (many of whom are about to be roped in for their assistance, advice, research skills, drawing ability, and yes, some of you are probably reading these words right now and hearing the sound of a penny drop somewhere). We have many friends and family with many talents. And, we've got you on speed dial!!! HA!

The Mums is currently busy researching gerberas. My best maid Mariette is always there on the sidelines, cheering me on and offering suggestions. She was right by my side, foisting tissues upon my teary eyed self when we found a dress for me to wear. We had an intense email exchange when she picked out her beautiful dress for her beautiful self.

My best maid Mariette had so much fun on her day. As did B1 (the Calgary version of Mister Man).

And recently, our T and A had a blast at their nuptials in PA. So we know that a wedding can be more fun than a bag of mini donuts at the PNE. And that's what we're going for here.

I don't actually believe that our wedding will be "the most important day of our life", because I sort of feel like that kind of mythos leads to nothing but disappointment. Plus, I think most of us live lives full of important days that aren't marked by a big event, but maybe by a simple revelation? But in truth, I would like our day to be special. I mean, several dozen friends and family will gather at a park in St. John's, Newfoundland to have a scuff and a scoff, and a laugh, to raise a glass during one big ass celebration. Some of those people will have flown all the way across the country to be with us. But most of all, I would like our day to reflect who we are: two geeky people stumbling about in the dark, laughing at many of the same things and loving each other.

(In this photo, we were two geeky people stumbling around Las Vegas - note the Elvis shades)

Lately I've been thinking about things like how many photographs will be taken on the big day. And, while I would LOVE to accept my body for everything it is (round, soft, squishy, bodacious, buxom and any other number of euphemisms for fat), in truth, I would like to be a size or so smaller... I'm not talking about aiming for a size 2 or 4 or anything wacky like that.... just something a little - well - LESS than what it is at this moment in time. So now that we're a year and counting away from the event, I think I'd like to pay a bit more attention. I have a couple of friends who are also paying attention these days, so I'm going to clamor onto their bandwagon I think..... Friends, make room!

Here is a promise that Mariette and I made to each other in the summer. Every day, we promise to do something to make ourselves feel good about ourselves. Today, that thing is to be mindful. I know that some of you are thinking "don't bake!", but in reality, I usually bake for other people and manage to make do with a slice of whatever is on the go. I think I can continue to do that, but maybe I can also make do WITHOUT some other things. (Hello cheese. I'm talkin' to YOU. And you rippled chips - better hustle your crinkly bag outta our cupboards!) And I think I need to warmly greet that sweaty spin class that got my heart a pumpin' last winter. And I think that maybe I need to talk about all of that here, from time to time....

I do want to leave you with the 2 images that got the ball rolling when we met in cyberspace and exchanged a few messages, which turned into a few emails, which turned into exchanging these images. And from there we met for a coffee, which turned into dinner and dessert. And before you know it, we were reveling in the knowledge that we were kind of a match made in heaven. I'm glad we're gonna get hitched. And I'm glad you're along for the ride. I promise it won't be nearly as scary as The Inverter.....

400 Days

[ABOVE: Mariette looks over her handiwork as I sport hot rollers for the first time in my life.....]

My friend Mariette and I bonded years ago over a bunch of the usual things: work, art, feminism, politics, coffee, working through relationships that weren't working, a twisted sense of humour, princess camping (she taught me everything I know), food, coffee (and ridiculously delicious "crack-a-ccinos" which involved skim milk to save calories, vanilla flavouring, lots of espresso and a dollop of whipped cream crowned with glorious caramel sauce). But mostly, we connected over the thing that so many of us lose sleep over: body image. Body image of the "poor" variety.

We both grew up as chubby kids. (I'll try to dig up some photos to post). And, for the record, we were both run-of-the-mill chubby and not jaw dropping-ly overweight by any stretch of the imagination. Both of us started dieting at a brutally young age. (I first did Weight Watchers when I was in grade 4). And we have spent our lives, as so many of us do, essentially hating our bodies. We have both been thinner. We have both been heavier. We have dieted - we have rebelled - we have worried - we have shed tears - we have eaten well - we have eaten badly - we have EVEN not eaten at all! We've done "Jenny", "WW", the grapefruit diet, the scotch diet, the coffee diet, "Scarsdale", "Atkins" and a host of others. We've lost weight but somehow it keeps finding us again.

Over the past decade, we have also both maintained a fairly high level of physical activity. We've completed sprint triathlons, half marathons and cycled long distances. Perhaps we do all of these things a wee bit slower than the fast kids, but we're out there doing it just the same. And I have to tell you that running or walking 21.2 kilometers is still 21.2 kilometers whether it took you 2 hours or 3 hours!

In an ideal world, Mariette and I (and millions of others) would come to a place where we would stop wasting time and simply accept the fact that a size 4 isn't in our future. It never was and it never will be. In an ideal world, we'd eat healthy food, exercise, have the odd "treat" and be happy wherever we landed. We don't live in an ideal world but I think we're finding a way to a world that's a gentler place....

When I asked Mariette to be the friend who would stand up with me when Mister Man and I get hitched, to be "my maid" (in Nfld, "maid" is kind of a term of endearment, used in everyday speech as in "Yis, maid, I'll be there the once.") I knew she would be what every woman needs in her life - a friend to support and love her (me) NO MATTER WHAT.

And when we went shopping for wedding dresses, the goal was to find something in which I felt beautiful. Confident. And I love the fact that, as I stood there in the dressing room with my less-than-perfect body facing the mirror, wearing my less than perfect ginch, I knew she wouldn't judge me for all the cellulite in the world. I also knew she'd be honest if I was about to sign up for a dress that made me look like I should be skating in the Ice Capades, or waving at small children from a float in the Santa Clause Parade. I knew she had my back. And that day was brilliant because of Mariette. 

So as we creep closer to the wedding date which is over 400 days away, Mariette and I have decided that we will make a pact to do something nice for ourselves every single day. Something that could be described as a healthy choice and will move us one step closer to accepting who we are, and being okay with the fact that we might only live to see a size 6 in a shoe. And perhaps, by the end of these 400 + days, I will have lost the 30 pounds that I would LOVE to lose. Perhaps I won't. But we both know that if we find a way to honour ourselves every day and make a conscious choice to do something GOOD FOR US we will be marching one step closer to self-acceptance. And who knows? Perhaps along the way we'll lose a bit of the baggage (which may or may NOT be related to pounds).... My choice today was to write this text.

Mariette has started a blog which I urge you to check out. It's about the journey that will unfold over the next 400 + days involving food, friendship, feminism, wedding-planning, politics and other pressing matters. It's a good read and a really nice companion piece to these musings. Should you drop in on her new blog, I think you'll quickly come to understand exactly why Mariette is so special to me.....