I Was Rendered Speechless.....

Saturday was possibly one of the finest days I've ever had in my life. It all started with a SKYPE wedding meeting with Mariette, my best maid for the rapidly approaching nuptials. Mister Man let me sleep in, and brought a cuppa joe to the bedside (just one of the myriad of reasons I'm marrying him - he really is a spectacular person). I was ready to talk turkey (or at least weddings!!), but instead I was greeted with this:

Mariette:

"There's something very serious I need to talk to you about."

Me

*Gulp* (It sounded scary.)

Mariette

"But first, Mister Man will hand you a bag, in which you'll find a scroll. I need you to open it and read it to me."

The Scroll:

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away a group of strong willed Goddesses noticed that women were simply not prepared for marriage. Nothing in our society had prepared them, so they came up with some rituals in order to ensure a woman could pass easily from single gal to wedded woman in a way that no bridal magazine ever could. It has come to the attention of the Goddesses of Marriage that you have lost your way on this journey towards becoming a Mrs. They see you struggling with understanding the true meaning of the word “hitched”. You don’t seem to truly comprehend “till death do us part” as forever and ever and ever.... and ever. You have yet to embraced “love, honor and OBEY”

So, young Teri, you are being sent on a quest to find your inner bride. You have a mere 45 minutes to begin your quest. First you must put on the bridal armor provided. This will protect you and keep you safe.

You will also receive a satchel with helpful items that you may use on your journey. Then you must solve the riddle and go to the location provided. There you will meet a guide who will provide you with sustenance and knowledge. Once you have achieved what you need to at each location you will be sent or taken to the next.

At each location you are expected to find one of the following:

• something old
• something new
• something borrowed
• something blue
• You are also required to provide photographic and written proof that you were at each location (see camera and passport provided in satchel)

NOTE: I was NOT allowed to bring my beautiful Pentax camera. Nay. I was handed a little rinky dink point and shoot, despite my protestations and whining. Back to the scroll:

When you have completed your tasks you will be met by the Goddesses and they will review your evidence and treasures. They will then provide you with the final Sage Advice to launch you into Bridal Bliss.

We have one question... do you accept your quest?

I think we all know the answer to that one:

With trepidation in my heart, and the world's largest tutu around my butt, I made my way into my chariot and looked over at Mister Man, who was a bit mum and sheepish. "You know what that is?" I said, pointing the camera at his nibs. "THAT is the face of deception".

Weeks ago, he'd "booked me" for a big BBQ that was "supposedly" being held that day by one of his colleagues. In fact, the night before, I'd baked the world's largest Perfect Blueberry Crisp to TAKE to this so-called "BBQ". It was a RUSE!!!!

In any event, I guessed the first riddle and Mister Man dropped me at Thomas Haas. Golly, was I nervous when we drove up, me with a veil on my head, held there by a tiara that said "Bachelorette on the Loose", wearing a ridiculous fru-fru skirt and clutching a bouquet of yellow fabric flowers with a feather duster at the centre. I nervously stepped inside the door, and to my utter delight, cast my eyes upon Bunkle!! The Beautiful Bunkle who had a double baked almond croissant waiting for me. And, in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the wedding prep, a miraculous thing happened: we sat, drank coffees and had a fabulous heart to heart. It was a beautiful thing.

We also followed the orders of the goddesses and Jan went in search of "something new" for me. She rooted around in her bag to find something iconic to bestow upon me, and found a brand spanking new Special K pedometer!! (and yes, I DO plan to wear it on the wedding day - in lieu of a garter......)

As instructed, we had our photo taken with strangers (and with each other). Aren't we a vision?

And then, one hour later, my chariot pulled up again, and we set off for downtown.

And who should be waiting at the second destination, but Doodie!

We jumped on the skytrain, and ended up at Reckless Cycles in Yaletown, where we rented 2 bikes. Before we started riding our cruiser style bikes, I was able to tick off the "something borrowed" on my list, because I used some of Karen's sun block!

Again, we had an amazing visit - some quality one on one time (which has been lacking for us of late).

We chatted with people along the seawall (it's amazing how much of a conversation starter it is when you're wearing a giant tutu and riding a bike.) And finally, Karen took a mysterious phone call and we made our way to a beach.

Where we were joined by Poot, who came bearing a picnic.

We were even able to scour the beach to find "something old".

As we sat there, finishing our feast, I noticed a familiar woman standing there, snapping photos. "I know her I thought", but she was hiding under a hat and behind sunglasses. And finally, it was revealed that it was Janice, sister of Mister Man and her awesome daughter Andie!

They'd come to take me to a fabulous used bookstore in Kits where I was to pick out a cookbook. If you aren't from around here, you won't know that Kits is an uber trendy hood in which the women are decked out head to toe in Lululemon. Feeling self conscious, I left my veil in the car, and was JUST saying to Janice "Hey - do you think it would be okay if I slipped off my skirt?" "I dunno", she replied, there are spies everywhere."

At which point, a young woman I'd never laid eyes on before stepped out of a shop and said to me "Mariette says, aren't you supposed to be wearing a veil?"

I was gobsmacked. Spies indeed! So I decided to rush into the store to get the stranger to sign my passport.

When I bolted into the store, I was greeted by the most brilliant vision of the day. There was Mariette, my beautiful friend and best maid, standing in the middle of the store. She'd traveled from Calgary to surprise me!! And surprised I was as I burst into tears, and threw my arms around her. Okay, so I had jumped the gun. I wasn't supposed to see her for another 30 minutes, but what the hey?

The four of us traipsed off to the bookstore, where Mariette found something very useful. The book is called, "The Meaning of Wife". We thought it was rather hilarious. So we bought it, because, after all, the Goddesses WOULD be looking for something BLUE!

We also found THIS useful item for Mister Man.

And then we headed across the street for a drink and a nibble. I was able to throw my bouquet to a table of young single woman, and I interviewed a couple who'd been together for 18 years. They had some sage advice for me! Janice was enjoying herself. We all were. I was LOVING this day!!!!

Here I am. Loving the day.

Then we bid adieu to Janie and Andie, and Mariette and I got in the car and started making our way towards the New Westminster Skytrain Station. This was no mean feat as I have a lousy sense of direction, and Mariette is from Calgary. But eventually we got there, and I was beyond delighted to see my friend Tasha Faye, the woman with whom I've had some extraordinary adventures. She took me into this little place where we both got pedicures. You have no idea how much my poor feet were in need of a little TLC.

Bliss.

And then, it became like an episode of Lost. I was blindfolded and Tasha started driving as Fleetwood Mac was blasting on the stereo.....

And what happened next was beyond miraculous......